It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
