Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
