Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
