She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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