Whod you bang
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
