when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize