there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
