Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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