I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
