All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
