Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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