I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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