I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
So vagazzling was a success
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
