Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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