if i can run in heels then i can drive
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
