God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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