it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
