ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
