Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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