Why is your signature on my underwear?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
