I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
As shirtless as possible
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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