pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
