You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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