I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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