The best revenge is premature balding
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
