he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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