The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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