3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
dude i'm inner monologue high
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
