This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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