There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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