I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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