At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
