I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
