my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
