we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
time to smoke my breakfast
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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