She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
