He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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