I accidentally had phone sex last night
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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