My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
