Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
