My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
