all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
