Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
All the doctor said was why
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
