yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
