my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
