Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
