is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
