the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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