I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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