I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize