my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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