you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
