yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
