The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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