alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize