Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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