hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
How does one acquire holy water?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
