don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
