They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
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