I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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