I accidentally had phone sex last night
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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