im about as happy as oj after his trial
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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