Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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