Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
