"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
