i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
