I wish I could punch you in the face.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
