He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
