I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
